"My" truth about relationships with working women with kids

I learned the hard way about the perils of getting involved with a working single mom with kids. I was involved with kids all my adult life. I worked as a camp counselor for as many years as I could before starting to work in the real world. I grew up in an extended family and "grew" up with everyone else's children.
Being the only person to not have my own children, I became an"honorary cool aunt" to all my friends kids. Then it happened. I got involved with a working women who had two boys living with her.
I cannot say and do not know any situation like thus but my own. Within a few weeks of starting this relationship, her older son had surgery. She asked me to take care of him when he was home from the surgery. This was my first mistake.
Having only known the women for a few weeks, I should have realized it was inaapropriate to "be a nurse" to her son so early on in the relationship. This should have been my first "BIG RED LIGHT".
Asking this early to stay home and take care of her son was an indicator of what was to come. I probably knew it at the time but chose to ignore it. Next and too early on in the relationship, we discussed "co-parenting". I was happy about this being that I had no children of my own. I should have realized this was a 'SECOND RED LIGHT".
...and third, when you hear a new lover say the words "I would never do what so and so did to you"... run out the door. This is the 'THIRD RED LIGHT'. If all of these things happen within a few weeks, then head for the hills. If gets worse, not better.
This working women wanted someone to take care of her kids and maybe a part time lover. Her kids wanted "mommy" all to themselves. "Mom" was so busy working they rarely saw her. The only feelings they had for me was a whole lot of anger because they wanted their mom, not me. It was alot easier for the kids to dislike me than to dislike mom.
I got involved with her kids helping them with homework, which "mom" had no patience to do, and driving them everywhere they needed to go. The more I did, the more they disliked me. "Mom " was little help in the situation with the kids. The discord brought the kids closer to her.
She would ask me to co- parent and then reverse every decision I made, rendering me ridicuolous. She undermined me constantly, then promised to not do it again. She repeated these empty promises. MORE RED LIGHTS!
In the end, "MOM" and I broke up. It has been years since I have seen these kids yet a recent incident made me see another "RED LIGHT'.
My life has gotten better in the years since we broke up. The relationship was difficult .It was a nasty emotional divorce. There were no lawyers or courtrooms, just the damage a lover can do.
I thought it was "IN THE PAST" until two days ago. I noticed a problem in an on-line internet account. I discovered it was "Mom's "younger son who had hacked into my account(s). My "RED LIGHT" button doesn't need to flash. The fact that years after the relationship, he would take the time to hack into an account of mine made me act quickly.
If he still holds feelings about me then this is my version of "Fatal Attraction". The only difference is it is the son and not the ex-lover. Fortuneately, the years give ME some wisdom and I did act quickly. I let the authorities know of this situation. I don't want to end up like Michael Douglas with a "dead rabbit" on the stove.
I believe my "ex- working mom" just wanted a babysitter. I believe she wanted to work more than she wanted to have her children. The children knew this and acted out then and are probably still acting out now. I don't think I would get involved with a women who has children. It is to loaded a situation. There is generally a messy divorce, lots of bad feelings and you start off with "laundry" you don't understand.
Life,like relationships, is complicated enough. I have enough of my own garbage to bring into any new relationship. I think I will try knowing someone for quite for time before I start "running" any errands. In fact, I don't want to run the errands anymore, I just want to enjoy the relationship.